For someone who considers themselves old school, I’ve sure acted like pen and paper don’t exist. All it took was a broken laptop to give me an excuse to disobey God and not write. Clearly, a choice.

My last full post spoke about not ignoring the nudge to write. And within days of writing it, the screen on my laptop went out, and ignoring the nudge is exactly what I’ve done for the past four to five months. Not sure if it was a test from God, one that I clearly failed, or if it was the enemy’s attempt to stand in the way of what God called me to do.

If it were a test from God, the results of my failure are heavily felt. It could have been an opportunity for me to show true discipline and growth. Instead, I gave up easily when challenged. This failure just shows that I am human and I am still being refined.

If it was indeed the enemy’s attempt to distance me from God, well, “shame on me”, because I know better. I question why we as humans so easily cooperate with what’s meant to stop us? For me, this is a lesson to reflect a bit more on what’s happening in any given situation.

Either way, I haven’t been writing. I haven’t been creating. And overall, my disobedience has left me feeling empty.

Life isn’t bad. I still live my life for Christ and feel His presence around me day to day. I’m blessed beyond measure, and I am grateful for every aspect of my life. But when I choose not to use the gift that God has given me, a part of me remains empty.

I am honestly not sure what I’ll be writing. It might just continue to be a journal of my journey. One where I share poetry and talk about my life with Christ.

As I’ve continued to grow in Christ, I’ve still wanted to share His word with the world. But being as shy as I am, I haven’t been able to do so verbally just yet. I see so many sharing the love of God, and I’ve wondered, “Where do I fit into all of that?”

This question has lingered in my mind for months.

And then today, despite not having posted anything in months, I get an email that states someone liked a blog post and subscribed.

And as I read the email, I realized that my gift is how I shall serve the body of Christ, just as God designed.

But this time, I pray that I can remain consistent.

So far, I’ve spent 2026 focusing on stewardship. Stewardship of my body, of my home, of my job, of my finances, of my family, etc.

It’s time I truly take on stewarding the gift that God has given me once and for all. An unused gift isn’t just wasted; it leaves a void. Not just in me, but within the body of Christ.

And it’s a void I pray to fill.

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” – 1 Peter 4:10